The epitome of man is, as of today, lost in a realm of egotistical maniacs that only crave a thirst for power and vengeance in an otherwise seemingly harmless world. I know what you may be thinking: “What the heck did any of that mean?” If you had no idea, then don’t worry because I just made that whole thing up in my head.

No, really though, if you’re reading this, then you have found my diary, I mean man journal of manliness. And I would appreciate it if you gave it back to its rightful owner, which would be this guy. Just picture a white guy, blonde hair, blue eyes, pointing his thumbs up towards his head. There you go, that’s me. Um, this page that you found in my man journal of manliness has fulfilled its purpose, considering you fell upon this very exact page. This page was designed to distract you. The book you are holding in your hands is not only my journal, but the very last slimmer of hope that mankind has in surviving this otherwise disaster of a war. By now, the United States is probably overrun by the zombies. In fact, I’m pretty sure the only place that is left safe for humanity is…well nowhere really. The following pages of my journal contain crucial information to survive the apocalypse.